And so, after having watched the controversial India-Australia test match at the SCG, someone has written down some rules about cricket in Australia so that any other team touring the place could benefit from the knowledge of these undocumented rules:
(1) Ricky Ponting , THE TRULY GENUINE CRICKETER OF THE MODERN ERA AND WHOSE INTEGRITY SHOULD NOT BE DOUBTED, should be considered as the FOURTH UMPIRE. As per the new rules, the FOURTH UMPIRE's decision is final and will over ride any decisions taken by any other umpire on or off the field. ON-FIELD umpires can seek the assistance of RICKY PONTING even if he is not on the field.(2) While the AUSTRALIAN TEAM is bowling, if the ball flies anywhere close to an AUSTRALIAN FIELDER(WITHIN a distance of 5 metres), the batsman is to be considered OUT irrelevant of whether the catch was taken cleanly or grassed. Any further clarification for making a decision should be seeked from the FOURTH UMPIRE. This rule is made so as to ensure that all teams play within the SPIRIT OF THE GAME.(3) When batting, the AUSTRALIAN players will always necessarily wait for the ON-FIELD UMPIRE's decision (even if the catch goes to the FIFTH SLIP as the ball might not have touched the bat, you see!!). Each AUSTRALIAN batsman has to be out for a MINIMUM of FOUR TIMES before he can be told to return to the pavilion. In case of THE CRICKETER WITH a high degree of INTEGRITY, this can be higher.
(4) UMPIRES will be awarded a huge bonus if an AUSTRALIAN player scores a century. Any wrong decisions made in the course of the innings will result in an additional bonus being rewarded to the umpire and all such decisions will receive the full backing of the AUSTRALIAN team and board.
(5) All AUSTRALIAN players are allowed to make any comments about all players on the field. However the OPPONENT TEAM should never make any comment as they will be spoiling the spirit of the game. Any comments made by an opposition team is to be considered as RACISM only.
(6) The MATCH REFEREE's decisions will be taken purely based on the AUSTRALIAN TEAM's advice only. Player views from the other teams will not be considered for hearing. MATCH REFREES are to be given huge bonus whenever this rule is implemented.
(7) NO VISITING TEAM should plan to win in AUSTRALIA. This is to ensure that the sportive spirit of the game is maintained.
(8) THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: If any bowler gets RICKY PONTING - "THE MOST GENTLEMANLY CRICKETER OF ALL TIMES" - out more than twice in a series, he will be banned for the REST OF THE SERIES. This is to ensure that the best batsman/captain will be able to play and break all records and create history in the game of CRICKET.
Any team visiting Australia is requested to go though these guidelines and strictly follow them. Any appeals made against these rules will be considered as EXERTING PRESSURE on the ICC.
Thank you everyone for your time and hope you have a nice time Down Under!